Disguise or Alter Ego?

OK, Bond wannabes, one of the first questions you have to answer in your quest to be more like 007 is whether or not YOU are going to become a suave, sophisticated ladies man or is it just going to be an act that you occasionally play out in your mind? Either way is OK by me, I'm not your mum or the old ball 'n chain. Good old Commander Bond rarely wore disguises or successfully used aliases, preferring to be able to use the well known phrase "Bond, James Bond." How about you? How do you picture yourself as a different man?

If you are going to use a disguise, what's the purpose? Are you going to be doing something where it's important to not be recognized? Hat and dark sunglasses go a long way and we can thank celebrities for showing us how to be incognito. Men aren't accustomed to the type of trickery that women utilize on a daily basis. The average adult woman routinely alters her hair color, facial skin, eyebrows, height, waist size, bust size, and apparent weight. It's so common that most men might not know the extent of the charade until the next morning. Men's options are more limited and unless we are going undercover or truly seeking to not be recognized, our "disguise" will consist of an image that we are attempting to convey by the use of certain clothes, hair style, smell, gait and carriage, etc.

How often does one get to play baccarat in a tux or hop into a specially prepped Aston Martin to drive a princess away from danger? Sure, you can arrange to have special moments ($$$) that rival those of our favorite fictional spy, but it's far more likely that the role you will be playing will be more an expression of your alter ego than as part of an assignment to save the world.

Over the years I've enjoyed creating fake personas that would entail moving outside of my normal routine and somehow experiencing life more fully than I was in normal life. When I was younger and working as an accountant (boring) I thought it would be great to have a van parked somewhere nearby that had a motorcyle stored inside with a full change of clothing and accessories so that I could temporarily become more cool that I really was. Couldn't I have done it by just buying a motorcycle and keeping it at home? Yeah...if I was a single guy. Face it...most of these 007 fantasies belong to married guys. Single guys have few excuses for needing to spice up their lives.

So what's your best role? I play an executive pretty well. My speech and demeanor are adequate for passing as an exec. I haven't spent much time in a tuxedo since my wedding and I'm not fascinated at all by high society, so I wouldn't choose to hobnob with the snobs. I could also pull off college professor, but why? I think as men get older the role they most seek to play is themselves, only 5-20 years younger, which can get scary at times. Guys! She's creeped out by a middle aged man hitting on her! Shave 5 years off if you can, shooting for 10+ is going to require some serious make-up, lighting, and you'd better be in great shape!

Don't be discouraged, as with age should come wisdom and confidence. Think how ignorant and stupid many of the young guys are and recognize that you've learned a thing or two along the way. Regardless of the role you are playing, remember that having the right attitude is critical to your success. I know 30 year old guys who are duds and guys in their 50s who are really fun and lively. If it doesn't come naturally to you, work on it! Who's your favorite band? Aerosmith? Oops. If you are playing the role of a younger man, or any role for that matter, do your research!

You can do this! Honestly, you don't want a license to kill, do you? Don't you just want to have the option of being James for a day? And if not James Bond, then find a role that you want to play and start studying up on it. What? You're married and want to stay that way? No one is saying that you have to play out your role, and who knows, maybe your wife would enjoy a night with a secret agent!

Can You Find Your Inner Bond?

You know you've done it. You've said it or some variation of it. "Bond...James Bond." It's likely that if you are reading this blog there is some part of your that wants to be like 007. (I won't get into the details of which part.) And then you look in the mirror and reality smacks you square in the face. You're not ready for Pussy Galore, shoot, you're not even up to speed to Moneypenny.

So Big Guy, whatcha gonna do about it? Rent another action video? Settle down with a comforting bowl of ice cream?

How about seeking your inner Bond?

Let's be clear: You can find your inner Bond without changing your appearance, but if you want others to perceive your Bondhood it helps to look the part, too. A suave, confident fat guy is still a fat guy. And you might feel comfy in your relaxed fit denims and old T-shirt, but how Bond is that? You can do better!

The key here is that Bondness derives not from spy gadgets or the license to kill, but from an attitude of confidence that is based on personal ability, which is best sold to others in some very attractive wrapping.

What? You're married? Same here. Bond doesn't have to shoot every bad guy to know he can, if you get my drift. And because he knows he can he comports himself with an air that is felt by those around him, both male and female. And what...your wife doesn't like 007?

So take a moment and search deep within yourself and grab a hold of your Bondhood--if you still have it--and let's start some training exercises to whip you into shape.

That's the mission...are you up for it?

Secret Agent Fantasy

I was born in 1956 and am part of the Boomer generation that grew up with TV. It's likely that I was more interested in Frank and Joe Hardy than I was in James Bond, at least until I was 13 or so. Like many young boys since the Hardy Boys debut in the 1920s, I was fascinated by the stories of sleuthing and adventure. During the 60s the USA was swept by many social influences, among them James Bond the world of 007. It was cool to be suave and a ladies man. Of course, I wasn't even a man yet, much less a ladies man. But who didn't want to be James Bond?



I recall being surprised by the contrast between Sean Connery's 007 on the big screen and Ian Fleming's original print version. Bond wasn't very nice in the books. And BTW, I can barely stand watching any of Roger Moore's Bond movies. Roger Moore is supposed to be Simon Templar, The Saint. In fact, until Daniel Craig bulked up and returned some testosterone to James Bond in the recent Casino Royale, 007 had been a bit of of a disappointment since Connery last played the role.

James Bond and Simon Templar were not the only secret agents of my impressionable years. The Man from U.N.C.L.E., John Steed from the Avengers,Patrick McGoohan's character in Secret Agent, and of course...Maxwell Smart. And while there have been many other spy-type characters in books, TV shows, and in the movies, only Ethan Hunt from Mission Impossible and Jason Bourne have made my list.

So why would anyone want to be Bond or Bourne? As 51 year old father of six I can almost convince myself that I'll never be like them. Nor do I really want to do the things they do...kill bad guys supposedly on behalf of not-as-bad guys. So, is it the cars? The women? The guns and gadgets?

No.

For me it is the ability to do what most men can't and the confidence that goes along with it.

OK...well the cars ARE great and so are the women. But Jay Leno has great cars and I don't want to be like him. And honestly, both Bourne and Bond's significant others don't fare very well.

What I really want is to get trained in some of the basic secret agent arts. Surveillance. Shaking a tail. Hand to hand combat. Professional driving. Marksmanship. How to be a master of disguise. And more.

Years ago I went so far as to outline a business that I called Double Oh Adventures. The idea was to put on a "fantasy camp" for 007 wannabees. Charge them an arm and a leg to get some training in all that good stuff that I wanted to know how to do. Put them up in some exotic locale and stir them but not shake them. However, that fantasy was pre-9/11 and today it just wouldn't look good to be holding a training camp for "spies", especially on foreign soil. (Although Las Vegas is still calling out to me as a possible venue.)

So, I begin this blog with the idea that I will flesh out some of the materials that I would use to produce Double Oh Adventures.